New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
