Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
