The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
