So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Randomize
