lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
