He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
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