can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
