he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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