Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
