fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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