there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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