And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
