shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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