ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
