You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
