I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
