my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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