I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
