Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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