Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
