The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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