You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
