i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just high enough for therapy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
