dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
