she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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