i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
