Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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