This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
