All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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