So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
