And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
