I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
