There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
