Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
