We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
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