We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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