Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
