is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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