Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
