The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
