Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
