dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
