Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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