Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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