you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
