dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
