I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
