So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
