you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
