forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
