So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
