I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
